I realized something very important about myself today, as I sit with a subtle stomach ache caused by eating only the last hamburger at the dining hall that had kind of been sitting there awhile, fries, and later some bread and a small portion of chicken wings (Boneless. Come on, now).
I wondered quietly to myself, "what if this subtle stomach rapidly developed into food poisoning from that room-temperature hamburger?" and then thought quietly to myself, "well then I suppose I could sue the dining hall..." But this is where the very important moral comes in.
More quiet contemplation, and I realized that I would much rather take a small lump sum bribe from "Sodexho" dining service.. services than sue them for all they're worth, because really, what does that prove? I would destroy their average at best reputation among whiny college students looking for something to complain about and cost them millions.
I would be thrilled to receive a couple thousand dollars for minor pains that would soon pass, and for Sodexho the day would also be saved, because colleges would pay them money still!
Like, $2000, that's a lot of money to me. What a treat! Everybody wins. Actually, I now realize that this "bribe" could also be taken care of in terms of a "settlement," which is a common and legal way to smooth things out. But bribes are pretty darn common, too, huh? Check out those senators... Like.. All of them. Look at that!
Anyway, just a thought about the exciting bribe turned settlement that is probably not coming my way. What a pleasant suprise though, providing that no one is seriously injured. People should be grateful for these many thousands of dollars, and not ask for anything more. But I guess that's nothing new. Greed. It happens...
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
A Pet Peeve and a Wordy Introduction. Good Talk.
Hello. I would like to make this as clear as I could possibly make this. We will start there and work our way up, together, losing as few people as we can manage, though some will go astray, but to the victor goes the spoils, right? We've won the battle, but we haven't won the war. All's fair in love and war. etc. etc. with everyone please noting that, no, none of these adages are applicable to this situation.
What I'd like to make clear is an address that I will make before this blog is born. This blog is being born noisily in the background of this address. There is carnage, and there are entrails. Luckily, the internet is a sterile environment.
Please observe my tone. It is called "asking nicely."
Address:
Please, friends, can we please stop thinking, saying, and truly believing that everything that happens around us, every encounter that teeters around in our minuscule comfort zones, is AWKWARD?
I, as a living and breathing human being, can scarcely change the room I'm currently in without hearing about how some or other completely routine, daily interaction was "so awkward." Just as a general principle, I'd like to propose that many things that happen to us are not, in fact, awkward, but are perfectly normal.
For example, We access the internet. We log onto Facebook. Facebook lays out before us like the finest cut of meat the personal information that our friends and acquaintances have so generously posted for...someone, anyway, to read, ready to devour. And we do it, we bite, because we want to know. Cannibals, by the power of this analogy. And though we're quite aware that everyone is doing it, it's still for some reason awkward and "stalkerish" to bring it up in conversation. Why is that? No, seriously, I would like to know.
Well, I do personally believe that I know, but it's a bit much to go into for now, when are trying start off on the right foot, anyway, and get a simple and important point across. Faint of heart, please skip the next paragraph...
(Quick analysis: We say everything is awkward as a disclaimer. Admitting that we did something that may surprise or shock others without taking the edge off can be scary for the insecure, even if those things could only be surprising and shocking by vast stretches of the imagination. Many people believe that they are "weird" and that they are the only people who have certain thoughts or act in certain ways, so they describe a situation as "awkward" just in case. Usually, though, they did not have an isolating experience, because if everyone went around having isolated experiences all the time, that would become the norm, and there would be nothing of which to be afraid, which is where we stand today. Few, however, are brave enough to find this out and uncover the warm, relatable interior of the human condition. Mmm.)
...THERE IS NOTHING AWKWARD ABOUT HUMAN INTERACTION, and this is a vital piece of sociology from which I'm just positive the indefinite remainder of my "blog" will spurn.
So, with that said, I promise not to bitch about things. All the time.
Congratulations, you've just witnessed this blog being born. It's crowning, so that counts. Unless life begins at conception. Just kidding. Let's tackle abortion. Let's tackle protestors protesting abortion. Pretty awkward, huh? Like, signs, and.. shouting.
Congratulations on literacy and not caring if things are "too long."
What I'd like to make clear is an address that I will make before this blog is born. This blog is being born noisily in the background of this address. There is carnage, and there are entrails. Luckily, the internet is a sterile environment.
Please observe my tone. It is called "asking nicely."
Address:
Please, friends, can we please stop thinking, saying, and truly believing that everything that happens around us, every encounter that teeters around in our minuscule comfort zones, is AWKWARD?
I, as a living and breathing human being, can scarcely change the room I'm currently in without hearing about how some or other completely routine, daily interaction was "so awkward." Just as a general principle, I'd like to propose that many things that happen to us are not, in fact, awkward, but are perfectly normal.
For example, We access the internet. We log onto Facebook. Facebook lays out before us like the finest cut of meat the personal information that our friends and acquaintances have so generously posted for...someone, anyway, to read, ready to devour. And we do it, we bite, because we want to know. Cannibals, by the power of this analogy. And though we're quite aware that everyone is doing it, it's still for some reason awkward and "stalkerish" to bring it up in conversation. Why is that? No, seriously, I would like to know.
Well, I do personally believe that I know, but it's a bit much to go into for now, when are trying start off on the right foot, anyway, and get a simple and important point across. Faint of heart, please skip the next paragraph...
(Quick analysis: We say everything is awkward as a disclaimer. Admitting that we did something that may surprise or shock others without taking the edge off can be scary for the insecure, even if those things could only be surprising and shocking by vast stretches of the imagination. Many people believe that they are "weird" and that they are the only people who have certain thoughts or act in certain ways, so they describe a situation as "awkward" just in case. Usually, though, they did not have an isolating experience, because if everyone went around having isolated experiences all the time, that would become the norm, and there would be nothing of which to be afraid, which is where we stand today. Few, however, are brave enough to find this out and uncover the warm, relatable interior of the human condition. Mmm.)
...THERE IS NOTHING AWKWARD ABOUT HUMAN INTERACTION, and this is a vital piece of sociology from which I'm just positive the indefinite remainder of my "blog" will spurn.
So, with that said, I promise not to bitch about things. All the time.
Congratulations, you've just witnessed this blog being born. It's crowning, so that counts. Unless life begins at conception. Just kidding. Let's tackle abortion. Let's tackle protestors protesting abortion. Pretty awkward, huh? Like, signs, and.. shouting.
Congratulations on literacy and not caring if things are "too long."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)